Blessings and Beyond

Early this week, I was able to hop at Melody’s Gift from God. It was just a simple hop from one blog to another, the usual thing I do every now and then. When I was scanning her posts, my eyes caught the banner at her side bar. It says “A Wife’s Biblical Submission.” It really spurred the interest in me since my husband always tells me that I am un-submissive to him. I was working as a manager before and my personality is very strong that is why I am often called as an alpha female. Anyway, I have tried so hard to be submissive to him as I want to keep our family together but unfortunately he always tell me the same exact thing over and over again.

My husband and I have been married for almost nine years this January 2009. We have two beautiful kids, a girl and a boy. It was about four years ago that my husband and I have separated. He was involved with another married woman. He told me that he did that to teach me a lesson. Maybe if I see him with another girl, I would be more submissive. But then things got really worst when he got the woman pregnant. After hearing the shocking news, as human as I am, I started dating other men and later was involved in a relationship.

After two years of separation, he sent me a text message asking me if I still love him and that I am willing to start over again. Of course, I still love him so we decided to be back together and because of our stupidity for the past two years, we always find ourselves fighting over the past, jealousy, suspicion, PRIDE and all other things that shake a marriage apart.

I got pregnant on our first year together but I lost the child because of too much pressure from work and from my marriage because he was seen again with another woman. Then I later decided to resign from my managerial work just to show him that I am willing to work out the marriage and my submissiveness to him. Unfortunately, it was still “MY” strength that’s why our relationship was always fighting. I always complained why my husband doesn’t change.

Last June 2008, I decided to left him and be back at my hometown trying to teach him a lesson. Months passed by and I noticed that our relationship was getting nowhere. There was no progress and our family felt broken though we were still intact. So around October, still this year, I went back to my husband and asked if he wanted to give our marriage another try but together in one house. He agreed and decided that we should relocate the children back and give it another try.

So next year, I will return here with my youngest because my eldest is still in school. This time, we will try to build our family back but this time with GOD’s STRENGTH and not with ours. So when I saw the banner on “A Wife’s Biblical Submission,” I thought to myself that this is God’s answer to my desire to become a submissive wife to my husband. I love God, my husband and my children. My heart desires to be the kind of wife God wants me to be but not as an alpha female. I want to be submissive to GOD and to my husband. I believe that God will speak to me little by little with this exegetical bible study on Proverbs 31:10-31.

I hope its not yet to late to change and become the wife has called me to be!